And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
