i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
