Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
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If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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