Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
