Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
