if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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