Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I think your dad took our porno
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
