i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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