Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
