The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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