I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
