Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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