it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
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I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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