im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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