He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
