I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
