You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
