You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
