I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
