I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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