Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
