no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
