everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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