I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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