It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
