somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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