that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
