Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
