My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
