Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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