hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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