One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
