Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My ass is underappreciated
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
