I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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