Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
