Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
