We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
