He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You need a sexual gate keeper
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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