im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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