just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
