Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
