What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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