Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
