so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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