I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
40s are totally the cure
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
