just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
