found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
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I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
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My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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