U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Is it because I queefed?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
