I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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