I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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