Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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