You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
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