We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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