You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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