She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
