I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
