Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i already hear my dad disowning me
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
