Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
