I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
