I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
