If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
