Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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