Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize