This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
