this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
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She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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