Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
