Me too!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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