I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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