I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize