i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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