ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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