we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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